My Life Recently

There will be only one straight-forward word: enjoyable. Yep my life recently has been pretty much enjoyable.

I never want to recall, but some incidents have happened in my life a few months ago, all at once, which had knocked me down and made me wonder what I had done and why things had gone so wrong so badly. My heart had never been that fragile and my mind had never been stressed like that before. A lot of goodbyes, a lot of things went down that I could never take back again, a lot of stresses at work, a lot of stresses at home, a lot of broken and messy things that  I would never know where to start off again.

Even though I always reminded myself that tomorrow would be another day and I should keep my chin up, I admitted I was broken into pieces. I cried myself at night when I was on my own, when I was in the middle of the street, when I was eating, when I was working, when I was riding my bike, whenever and wherever.

One night I locked myself in the bathroom, sitting there and was totally lost. In front of me there was only darkness. I was totally blank and honestly, I could not at all feel anything that reminded me I was still a human being.

Then I stood up. I could not really recall whether it was myself or someone in my head had told me to stop, and that I had to do something, I had to stand up and move forward, does not really matter what it is ahead.

Amazingly, after that night, I was a bit more ok.

I stepped a step back so that I could have more times to look back and work things out. I went out with my piggies. I had time to spend with all the close friends that I was too busy for them before. I had time to pamper myself. I had time to register to a course. I had time to make new friends. I had time to buy myself a good cup of tea, or find place that do good cup of tea. I had time to read books. I had time to talk to people I never had a chance to.

And I realized, life was never being unfair to me. It is me who was being very unfair to myself. It was always me.

And I also realized, all the incidents happened in my life before, were just the opportunities to let me know the truth that I was very unfair to myself and I should take the turn. I should change. I should move forward to open another new door and discover all the good and magical things in this life.

If you were ever in my situation, I sincerely wish that you could find the strength to stand up again, like I did. None of us are always happy or sad or perfect or good or bad. We are humans, we make mistakes, we get hurt, we are ignorance, we learn, we fail, we upset.

But whatever it is, please do listen to your heart beat and follow it. That is when you could reach to your inner peace. And I wish you all the strength you need to have to stand up again.

Thank you all who have been engaging in my life to make me being the me I am today.
I am truly grateful for that.