I hate goodbyes

I do not know and do not even understand that why I always have to be the one who decides to say the goodbye while everything is going on so well.
I always choose to take the new path, when good chances come and have (cruelty) chosen to leave a lot of nice good things behind me.

The situation today is the same. Heartbroken, tough and difficult decision to be made. I would rather not want to talk about it anymore, as it not only brings me to tears every time I think about it, but also reminds me of the same situation I had been through few years ago- the heartbroken moment when I told my friends I would leave the UK.

I barely show that I am broken into pieces inside. You can always find a smile on my face- yet, they are also not fake. I only break down when I am with myself. I feel only comfort with my own self- that is when I could be as weak as I am and I do not need to explain, to pretend, to worry whether someone next to me would understand the situation or not.
But trust me, I am a lot weaker than you think, and a lot more emotional than I show.


I just hate the feeling of being weak in front of others. And somehow I love the feeling of sitting through the pain.

But, really, this decision is too painful for me to take. And I guess I will be haunted for another long time in my life.

I am sorry, truly sorry for creating all this kind of dramas. Yet, I have to close this door and open another.
It is just about time.